please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
