apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
