i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
