u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
