I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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