This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
