shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
