I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
