...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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