Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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