It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
