I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
