remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
