i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
