There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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