So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
