I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
