I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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