i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
