I don't usually arrange sex via text message
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
