His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
