At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
