I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
