you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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