did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
