Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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