Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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