I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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