We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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