I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
