Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
