If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
