Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
