My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
