i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
false alarm. still invincible.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
