I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
