they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
