yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
