I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
