I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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