so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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