do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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