Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
