Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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