I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
3 2 1 whiskey
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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