I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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