Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
smell my finger.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
