Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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