I think im going to throw up on grandma
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
