I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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