I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
