It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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