It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Four minutes until I can fart!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
