i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
